I am free from Cynicism!

I AM FREE FROM CYNICISM! 

 

 

Sunday. A friend of mine, asked me over coffee, whether I am happy.. as he has observed that I seems to have lost my cheerfulness, and seems to always look sad. He asked if it’s time for me to change job (For i work in a mental hospital, surrounded by “negativity” he said).

 

Frankly, it’s not the first time friends has mentioned this to me, they all said that I used to be happier, and was more “fun”.

 

I used to believe that I have grew “matured” and “wiser” because of my job. I thought it’s part of self-development, to be able to project “professional calm” -i.e Nothing will shock or surprise me. This is useful when you have to handle crisis and to manage the raw emotions from your clients during counselling sessions.

 

Realization 
However, recently I’ve indeed noticed something troubling about myself – I am unable to fully experience whatever I am doing. I have somehow become “detached” and apart. I am not sure if it’s a occupational hazard, span from the implicit need to have some emotional detachment between client and me.

 

Thinking about this, I have received a revelation, that instead of becoming “matured”, I have actually became a Cynical, Skeptical, Negative and Distrustful person.

 

In the effort to take care of myself, and my family, I learnt to make preemptive plans for the future, and for the worse, dissect what people says..second guess intentions, not to trust people too easily and accept the “dog eat dog” logic of the world.

 

Whenever I make plans for the future, I was “realistic”, that means I only see  problems, different ways of how a plan can fail, the “what ifs”.  Soon, my world views became distorted, and deluded…unknowingly, Life to me slowly equates to problems, disappointment and pain.

 

In the process, this cynicism is like the parable (Luke 8:7), it grows like thorny bush, and suffocate mes, and is killing me inside out! I have let the Cares of life zap the life out of me!
I lost my “innocence” and “freshness” and Vitality.. I became a zombie.

 

The Breakthrough
When I reflect more, I came to understand where is this need to “plan for the worse” comes from. From my fear, that “if I don’t plan, something BAD will happen and I will lose something, or be disappointed”… and a belief that “I need to take care of myself and my family, with MY effort and MY abilities, by MY power”.

 

Immediately, I see the light… How foolish of me! Do I not have faith to believe that God can provide? Do I not have faith that He can care for me? (Matthew 6:25, Luke 12:22, Philippians 4:6) The answer is FAITH.. Faith in God.. Faith in humanity.. Faith in Faith! Why did i lost that faith? When I don’t have faith in anything anymore, i am a kill joy, I become grumble.. I lost sight.. i don’t know what is the purpose..

 

But take heed to yourselves and be on your guard, lest your hearts be overburdened and depressed (weighed down) with the giddiness and headache and nausea of self-indulgence, drunkenness, and worldly worries and cares pertaining to [the business of] this life, and [lest] that day come upon you suddenly like a trap or a noose;..”  Luke 21:34

 

So. After having such insight, I smiled. I feel the scales from my eye fell off, i feel lighter, liberated and free! I smiled! I am aware of my negativity and cynicism now.. and with a renewed mind, I feel I don’t have to fear, and worry, I don’t have to “fend for myself”.

 

I can see how powerful our mind, beliefs, thoughts are, it’s not the kind of JOB that shape you… your attitude and outlook shape your life and the environment you are in!
I give thanks to the Lord for His grace.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Moses Hng

 

Don’t live on Auto-Pilot anymore. Go on Manual Control! Watch out for Red Flags!

Don’t live on Auto-Pilot anymore. Go on Manual Control! Watch out for Red Flags!

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This entry was inspired by a friend, CGL
We were jogging at a stadium, and after a few rounds, I would say to him “Cannot! Cannot! Can’t run anymore...”.

 

As I was catching my breathe, he told me physically I could have continue running, but mentally, you gave up. (In a way, he was saying I am weak in my mind).

 

Instead of getting upset, I kind of got “enlighten”.
Remember what I’ve always wrote about Mindfulness, acknowledging your thoughts, be watchful of your thoughts and beliefs. This is happening to me, and I didn’t even realize it.
I wanna share with you the insights I got.

 

Self-Preservation Auto-Pilot 
In our mind, there is this Self-Preservation Auto-Pilot, it’s programme since young, from past learning experiences to keep us from dangers. It works by sending “Red Flags” to us like, “Better don’t do it”, “It will not work”, “You are tired, take a rest”, “It’s too difficult for you”, “Let someone else do it”, “Your stamina is not as good”, “It will just be like the last time”..

 

First of all, it’s a flawed system.
Second, we are unaware of it! It just run in the background, it’s automatic.
Third, We automatically believe our thoughts as if it’s true!

 

This is a pervasive auto-pilot system that is in all aspect of our life! Fitness, Work, Love life.. etc.

 

 

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Keeping Us Prisoners
With that “Auto-pilot” in place, we are constantly shepherd by our mind through the “Red Flags” to keep to our boundaries. It limits our abilities, and possibilities. We are kept within our “comfort (or really, discomfort) zone” We are fenced in!

 

Recognized It! Take on Manual control
From now on, be aware of those “Red flags” your Auto-pilot is sending you. Recognised that all of those red flags are historical, based on PAST learning and experiences… It is often flawed!  There’s a bigger pasture outside of the fence..

 

Take on Manual control.
Acknowledge those Red Flags.
Thank your mind for doing that to keep you safe (but it’s not working).
Create new Green Flags to overwrite the system.

 

Instead of “I’m tired, can’t run anymore”, say “I am tired, but I can still go on, even though I may run slower, I will not stop!“.

 

 

 

What do you THINK?

Moses Hng

 

Say what you mean!

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Say what you mean!

Let your YES be Yes, and NO be NO. If you like something say you like something. If you don’t like something say you don’t like something. 

I have heard people trying to sugarcoat their critisim and feedback by saying something like, “Oh, i like the way you … bla bla bla… BUT perhaps you could … bla bla bla.“. 

That’s dumb. You are insincere. 

After a while, no one will take what you say seriously. As soon as people hear your “I like the way you...” they will stop listening. EVEN if you mean it, no one trust you anymore. 

Have some guts, stick by what you say, don’t have to sugarcoat your words! Say what you really think, make your words count. If you want to praise, just praise whole heartedly. If you wanna give critisim, feedback, then give it. Then people will value what you say. 

 

 

 

Moses Hng

 

Lesson 2: Start Saving. Accumulate Your Reserve

Lesson 2: Start Saving. Accumulate your reserve

 

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I know there are many people like me, who spends most of their salary, and survives from one month to the other. You are always paying forward, thinking that “next month salary can cover for this month purchases”, well, that’s not really a good practice. 

You need to start saving! 

According to some experts, at least half a year of salary to act as a buffer, an Emergency Fund. That Emergency Fund, or Reserve will give you confidence and a peace of mind, to weather the rainy days, to deal with emergencies and help achieve your goals. 

Many people feel stuck with their jobs (that they hate), and have no freedom to do what they want, to pursue their dreams because they don’t have enough savings to give them the freedom. 

How much to save?
The more the better. Some says 50%.
Have a goal, by X months, I must have $X as emergency fund. Whatever the amount you decide, set it aside in a different saving account and don’t touch it! Have some form of budgeting, allocate how much to save. Check out these and these or Google on personal finance advise. 

Think of different ways to saves, for example, bringing your own meals to office (cheap and more nutrition, drop your loose changes into piggy banks and deposit them into saving, use Groupons, vouchers.

 

Start Today
I don’t have a large amount of reserve, but whatever I have now has already help me tie over some months when there are cash flows difficulties. So I’m glad I have that. 🙂

 

 

 

 

 

 

Let’s save!
Moses Hng

Lesson 1: CREDIT CARDS are First World Problem.

Well, I am not exactly the role model to be sharing with you on the prudent spending and good habit of saving money. I’ve not studied economics before, just wanna share what I have learnt so far on managing my own finances.

 

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Lesson 1: CREDIT CARDS, a First World Problem. 

I think the most important point anyone need to get their head around is that, you are using your future money. You are asking someone to pay for your purchases first, and you promise to repay them later. 

The word ‘Credit’ means – “The ability to obtain goods or services before payment, based on the trust that payment will be made in the future.” In Chinese, credit is “信用” and that word represent trust (Based on the reputation as a person as being dependable, trustworthy). 

When you owe others something, you make sure you repay. “有借有还 再借不难” – roughly translate to be “Always return after you borrow,then you can always borrow.” 

Carrying a credit card is just a form of convenience of not having to carry cash around, making online purchases and occasionally you get a little discounts, perks and rebates, but that’s all.
If you think that having many cards in your wallet is a way to “show off” your wealth and status in life then you are a person without any depth and have no real sense of reality of life. 

Make sure you are able to repay your credit card bill (in full) end of the month before you make any purchases. And stop buying stuff you don’t need! If you are making a zero percent installment purchases, then you make sure you can repay those installments every month. 

“Don’t use money that you don’t have”  

Don’t spend money that’s not yours, Don’t buy things you can’t afford. To me, I thought that’s really basic common sense. However when I read about how many people in certain country are in credit card debts, it just makes me wonder, how many people are without common sense. At that same time, we see how how many people can queue up for nights buy latest phones, games, latest whatever (While there are wars, famine, floods, disasters, poverty around the world). How we are consuming and consuming..complaining and complaining about stuff that doesn’t matter and doing things that don’t matters to the rest of the world. I get angry. I feel that people are just unable to decide for themselves, to pause, and reflect anymore on what they really need.

 

Big thanks to those idiots who spend too much, get in debts, can’t pay up!!
If we can stop buying so much, perhaps we will not have to borrowed unnecessary so much in future, then we may prevent another of this this stupid economy crisis. 

 

 

 

 

 

Moses Hng