I am free from Cynicism!

I AM FREE FROM CYNICISM! 

 

 

Sunday. A friend of mine, asked me over coffee, whether I am happy.. as he has observed that I seems to have lost my cheerfulness, and seems to always look sad. He asked if it’s time for me to change job (For i work in a mental hospital, surrounded by “negativity” he said).

 

Frankly, it’s not the first time friends has mentioned this to me, they all said that I used to be happier, and was more “fun”.

 

I used to believe that I have grew “matured” and “wiser” because of my job. I thought it’s part of self-development, to be able to project “professional calm” -i.e Nothing will shock or surprise me. This is useful when you have to handle crisis and to manage the raw emotions from your clients during counselling sessions.

 

Realization 
However, recently I’ve indeed noticed something troubling about myself – I am unable to fully experience whatever I am doing. I have somehow become “detached” and apart. I am not sure if it’s a occupational hazard, span from the implicit need to have some emotional detachment between client and me.

 

Thinking about this, I have received a revelation, that instead of becoming “matured”, I have actually became a Cynical, Skeptical, Negative and Distrustful person.

 

In the effort to take care of myself, and my family, I learnt to make preemptive plans for the future, and for the worse, dissect what people says..second guess intentions, not to trust people too easily and accept the “dog eat dog” logic of the world.

 

Whenever I make plans for the future, I was “realistic”, that means I only see  problems, different ways of how a plan can fail, the “what ifs”.  Soon, my world views became distorted, and deluded…unknowingly, Life to me slowly equates to problems, disappointment and pain.

 

In the process, this cynicism is like the parable (Luke 8:7), it grows like thorny bush, and suffocate mes, and is killing me inside out! I have let the Cares of life zap the life out of me!
I lost my “innocence” and “freshness” and Vitality.. I became a zombie.

 

The Breakthrough
When I reflect more, I came to understand where is this need to “plan for the worse” comes from. From my fear, that “if I don’t plan, something BAD will happen and I will lose something, or be disappointed”… and a belief that “I need to take care of myself and my family, with MY effort and MY abilities, by MY power”.

 

Immediately, I see the light… How foolish of me! Do I not have faith to believe that God can provide? Do I not have faith that He can care for me? (Matthew 6:25, Luke 12:22, Philippians 4:6) The answer is FAITH.. Faith in God.. Faith in humanity.. Faith in Faith! Why did i lost that faith? When I don’t have faith in anything anymore, i am a kill joy, I become grumble.. I lost sight.. i don’t know what is the purpose..

 

But take heed to yourselves and be on your guard, lest your hearts be overburdened and depressed (weighed down) with the giddiness and headache and nausea of self-indulgence, drunkenness, and worldly worries and cares pertaining to [the business of] this life, and [lest] that day come upon you suddenly like a trap or a noose;..”  Luke 21:34

 

So. After having such insight, I smiled. I feel the scales from my eye fell off, i feel lighter, liberated and free! I smiled! I am aware of my negativity and cynicism now.. and with a renewed mind, I feel I don’t have to fear, and worry, I don’t have to “fend for myself”.

 

I can see how powerful our mind, beliefs, thoughts are, it’s not the kind of JOB that shape you… your attitude and outlook shape your life and the environment you are in!
I give thanks to the Lord for His grace.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Moses Hng

 

Find a (Online) Personal Assistant. Personal Outsourcing

Time does not equal to money. Time is MORE PRECIOUS then money. 
With time you can make more money, but more money doesn't give you more time.. UNLESS…. you pay someone to do your stuff. 

A friend was recently complaining that she is so busy, and wish she can have a personal assistant to help her run errands. 

So I did a search, and read about this micro-trend of people outsourcing their errands by finding Online Concierge, Virtual Personal Assistants. 

Personal_assistant

(Meryl Streep's PA Anne Hathaway in The Devil Wears Prada, 2006)

What is Personal Outsourcing / Virtual Personal Assistant
WSJ – Outsourcing Your Life –  "Sending work offshore has transformed the U.S. economy. Now, some families are tapping the same approach for personal tasks, getting them done for a fraction of what they'd cost at home. Taking your to-do list global."

The Times – Microtrends: Personal outsourcing – "Corporations have been doing it for years; sending all their boring work to India and China where it can be done on the cheap. Now, with inexpensive international shipping and universal broadband, there’s no reason why you can’t do it yourself"

Singapore Based Company

Currently there is only ONE such service listed on Google, it's 

Where Got Time – Where Got Time offers personal assistance to busy individuals and business people who are most eager to maximize quality time for career, family & productivity in life – Your Personal Assistant, Errand & Concierge Service.

List From Other Blogs
49 Decent Virtual Assistant & Personal Outsourcing Resources  – Contain a list of places to hire Virtual Assistants

Community (You post your errands online, and someone bid to do it for you)

Task Rabbit –  This is only limited to the States now. Someone need to recreate that in Singapore! 
Do my Stuff – Another similar website 
ODesk – Cool idea too

Other venues? I'll try CraigList
Do you know of any other Websites, do share 🙂 leave a comment.

Thanks!
Moses Hng

Report: Teaching My Parents To Use iPhone – Part 1

Photo

This is a report of how my parents is picking up technology.

I have always wanted to teach my parents about going online, Email,
SMS, video conference, to be connected to the WORLD, but computer is
too complicated and intimidating for them.

My father is a 60+ years old, Chinese speaking man, can’t read or
write English who works in the construction site. He also don’t know
how to write Hanyu pinyin.

Personally I uses a HTC Desire HD, I love it. But its not for
bimbos… It has notification bars, various panels for apps, 4
buttons, and 5 home pages.. Not very easy for my parents to learn.

After much research, I decided to buy my dad an iPhone because of its
ease of use: one button, simple visual UI, allow chinese characters
hand writing input. It’s good enough for those who are not techy..

LAST NIGHT
After setting up the iPhone for him (I do all the techy part), I
taught him how to make phone calls and SMS.

THIS MORNING
It was raining heavily this morning, and i was worried that the one
day old iPhone might not survive my father rough handling, so I tried
texting him, and he replied me!

My observation and views on: Why people hate others who are more successful than them?

My observation. Why do some people hate others who are more successful, more "Atas – higher class" than them? And immediately think that they are evil?

I have heard of those remarks, or felt that kind of attitude around me. I'm guilty of it myself. 
So I have done my reflection. 

For example, someone who drives a BMW, carries a branded bag, and good looking, or seems to be able to carry himself/herself well, talking with confidence… We say in our heart, "This guy sure knows how pretend and act"…"Must be sucking up to the boss"… "he must have a rich dad".. "ahh must be a spoilt brat la"..Another example, a doctor who is well dressed, come from a rich family, have everything, smart and talented… we think they are brats who are just lucky, and will not be able to be a connect with "common people" and touch lives. 
How about, Ministers  or Celebrities… who are earning millions of dollars… we said that it's unfair, and they are corrupted.

I have met people who said that they like to hang out only at Kopitiam (Coffee shops) because that's where common people, "real Singaporeans" hang out.. those who goes to Pubs at Clark Quay, or eat in a fine restaurants are "pretenders" (Not REAL). 

There is this unconscious desire of wanting to "cut people down to size", and demonizing those who have attained more then us. 
Some how, we think that, those who are like us, "common people" are the best.

I wonder where that idea came from. How can we know about the other person just by having this "impression"? It's a totally faulty cognition, thinking pattern… not logical at all. 
So the followings are my explanation of why such things happened. 

My Explanations. 

1. We are envious of them. 

We are insecure of ourselves and we are simply envious! Deep inside, we want to have what they have, but we don't have! But to admit that we want to be like them would means "losing face", so we turned it, to try to convince ourselves that we don't need those stuff, and those who have it are superficial and are not "REAL"… We think "REAL people like us, don't need all the material stuff". 

2. Easier to externalized our Un-achievements, blame others. 

Then we blame those who have it. Rather then blaming ourselves for not working harder, being smarter, we blame them! At least we don't feel so bad. 
Instead of studying harder, working harder to be who we want to be, we use that energy in gossiping.. 
When we don't have it, we also don't want others to have it. So we try to destroy them.. 

3. We feel safer within our comfort zone. 

Lastly, when we are around (underachieving) people like us.. we feel better.. cause everyone is the same. We don't feel threaten. 
When we step out, we are exposed, that will challenge our beliefs. 

Conclusion.
From today on wards, Don't ENVY, cut people down.. Understand our motivation. 
Instead of gossip, and blaming others. Take charge of your life. Pursue what you want! 
Don't have prejudice on people who are more successful then us (Unless after several interactions… then that's different). 
Again, don't judge others on what they have. (Flip it around, look at the Poor.. do we also have preconceive judgement on how "they are usually like?")

Moses Hng

My 3 wishes In Thailand.

I guess I have that desire in me to want to make a difference, to relieve pain from others, improve their lives.

I have the following dreams, wishes that have been growing in me..it kind of became clearer over time. Now this is what I want to do when I had that vision when I was still in secondary school.

Why all in Thailand? Maybe only the first stop.

To start counselling services in Thailand.
We all need to be listened to, and there are wounds that need to heal. Singapore already have many counselling centers, so, I will bring the awareness over.

To bring Singapore Education System and expertise over to Thailand.
I believe this is one of the way, we can bless other countries. We have world class educational system, we are good at training.. we have the system, methods..
I want to bring English to rural areas, with good education, the poor can break that poverty cycle and have a better life.
It's a good opportunity to bring Singapore across boundaries..

To have a Bed&Breakfast in a island in Thailand..
For the burned out souls, tired Singapore social workers, to go and rest.

There will be mindfulness teaching, meditation, massage.. for the heart, mind, spirit and soul to recover.
It will be a great place for team retreat.

Moses Hng

Sharing of Insight: Email Correspondence. “How to live my life?”

I am sharing the following email correspondence between a friend and I.

I asked him a question, on “How should I live my life?”.
Hope the insights will be helpful to you in some ways.
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My Email To A Friend

“Dear friend, 
Ever since I entered the “real world”, I don’t feel as calm or as happy compared to life being a student.  There seems to be more burdens and responsibilities. More worries, doubts and fears. 
I realized that much of my worries revolved around the theme, “What If something bad happened, Will I be able to survive? Will I be able to support my parents?”. For me, that means to have enough financially. 
As an elder son, in a Chinese family, i feel the heavy responsibility on my shoulder.
It’s part of the reason why I started practising Meditation (Mindfulness). I hope that it will help me stay focus, calm my thoughts, and keep me sane. 
I have been thinking about Impermanence. Ultimately, nothing is permanent. Three Hundred years from today, I, my parents, will turn into dust and ash. Whether by sickness, accident, or natural cause.. we are all going to die. Things we owned, things we say or did will be long forgotten.
If things are so temporal, should I be so caught up by Whether I have enough? Since having much, or having little changes little about the fact that we are all going to be gone, then why does it matter? Should I just enjoy what I have, live from moment to moment? Don’t worry about WHAT IFs? Isn’t that careless??
What should be my right attitude? I don’t want to feel so worried and stressed.. i don’t wanna be tied up by money. 
MY struggle now is, is that the right perspective to life? 
Please share with me your views,
thank you”

My Friend’s Reply

“Hey Moses:
I believe the human death is just an expression that his/her soul is tired of being in his/her physical body, The soul is still exist in heaven?….We can only know after we die?

You are worried about the death or helplessness in some future situation just because you never experience those moments. 
Did you still remember how stress and struggle you were when you were called back to the Army? Do you still feel those feelings, if you have to go to camp tomorrow. 
I were always worried if my parents passed away, then how i can continue my life. 
When i heared the news of my father death, I didn’t even had the time to think about it too much at that moment. There was only one thing in my mind: do my best to relieve my mum and sis of family grieve. 
i think to comfort them is to comfort myself. 
You want to earn more money to help the families. very good, spending money can be one method to solve the problem and maybe the easiest way to slove the problem.
But without money we still can do a lot of things. 
If one of my relatives is sick, he needs to lay on bed for one year, maybe even longer, i dont have enough money to recruit someone for daycare. 
i have to move out from my own flat and rent one small room near my company to live wih him. 
I have to get up very early in the morning to prepare the food for him and myself. 
i have to come back during lunch time to take him to tolite or clean his fluids and vomits, even after whole day work i have to cook and wash him. 
i think  i can do this, but why i worry about the money, maybe just because what will happen in future could ruin my own life. cos i have to take care of him then i dont have enough time to spend with my friend, i dont have extra money for travelling, i dont have enough money for cosmetic, i dont ….
Then I realize what i am worried is just myslef !!!! i care nobody just myself. 
Give them financial help is the easiest way to help them, but actually we can do more than just money. regards”

My Reply

“Hey my friend, 

What you said is true. I really appreciate you sharing that insight with me. 
Yes, indeed we do not know what will happen to our soul when we pass away from this physical body. But we hope for the best, that we, and our love ones will be in a better place. 
When you said that, when your father passed away, you only have one thought in your mind, that is to do your best to relieve your mother and sister’s grieve. You have reminded me of Mindfulness, doing one thing at one time. What I need to do, I just do my best with my whole mind. That’s important.
Another important point, is not to be overly reliance on money. I agree with you, with money, life can be more comfortable. However, I shall not be blinded, or be deluded that, without alot, we still can do many things. 
My actions, my words, that I do to my family are more important then providing just material comfort. Remember how my dad provided for me when I was a child materially, but I felt he wasn’t there emotionally, thus I went through period of doubt and depression. Suffering from “lack of love”. However, those were the past. 
Yes. I may be thinking of myself after-all! Thank you for seeing that! 
Perhaps, I am only worried because I am afraid of having to support them. Yes, I am afraid that I might not be able to do my duties. (Again, that is rubbish, I only have to do what i can each day. Being mindful of my words and action.)
Thank you for sharing with me 🙂 
Liberated! 
Moses” 
Your comments are very much welcome 🙂
– Moses Hng

Stop Living A Mindless, Busy Life for Short-Term Goals. Begin to Think Long-Term and Live Mindfully. #fb

Stop Living A Mindless, Busy Life for Short-Term Goals. Begin to Think Long-Term and Live Mindfully.

 

 

Hey,

 

Do you have a minute? Can I share a thought with you I have recently?
Thank you.

We desperately need to stop we are doing,

To put a brake. We NEED to slow down.
We need to look at what we are doing with our life.

 

Stop your busy-ness on and on, hurrying to “do something”..
STOP! You must!

 

Take a deep breathe. Now. Stay with me.
Be Mindful now, of this very moment.
Focus on your breathing, Slow in, slow out.
Breathe….

 

Where are we heading?
I mean, what are we doing with our live?
I’m asking you as an individual… and collectively as human race.
We busy with work, studies, we are busy.. for what??

 

Economy and Technology has trained us to think short term.
We are short sighted. We google instead of thinking.
Everything must be faster and faster!
If it’s longer than 140 character, it’s is too long.
We think for “next month”, “next quarter”, “next year”.
Everything must be measurable.

 

We need to resist all that!
It seems like the whole world is mindlessly busying,
Why do we work? To feed ourselves and family, to have a better live!
What does that mean?! Think about that.
What do you mean better? Will what we strive for be BETTER? Better says who?
Have you taught of that? or it’s just a “culture thing”? Someone told you, so you mindlessly accept that?

 

We need to stop, slow down..
Be alert and mindful.
Live consciously! Live in the moment, this very moment.
Practice mindfulness.

 

then, we need to think long term..
We need to see ourselves, our society, our world in 5, 10, 20, 50, even 100 years!
We need to start to teach our children, to make long term decisions…
We got to teach them cause and effect…
What you do today, affect your tomorrow.

 

Stop living mindlessly, jumping from this moment to that moment.
live mindfully at this very moment,
then you have a mindful foresight into the future on where you want to be.
Cultivate Mindfulness, Foresight, having the thought of Long Term effect in the back of our mind.

 

Thanks for your time..
What do you think?
Leave a comment, email me, let’s discuss alright?

 

That’s true Awesome,

 

A friend,
Moses Hng